Here's an article that reminds us what we all know-- that putting our self-care first is the most important thing we can do. There's some helpful suggestions and links for more info to get you inspired. Check it out! -Lauren
Self: Priority #1- by personal trainer Sheila Olson
We get it, you are a busy, working adult. With everything you have on your plate, self-care doesn’t sit high on the priorities list. But taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do to ensure you have the energy and drive to carry out each of your daily responsibilities.
Finding balance in an unbalanced world
It’s easy to look at your schedule and see that it leans heavily toward taking care of others. But you’ve no doubt noticed that sometimes when the clock strikes five, you’re ready to slink onto the sofa and slap a box of pizza down on the table for dinner. Fatigue is a side effect of an unbalanced lifestyle. In order to circumvent access exhaustion, you have to learn how to fit self-care into your day so you’ll have the energy to keep going strong until bedtime. The quickest and easiest way to start the process is by finding a spot in your home you can use to meditate. This room should have a view of the outside world and be far enough away from your main living space that you can clear your head in peace at the beginning and end of each day.
Part of finding balance in your world is creating a comfortable home environment. If your house is cluttered, you’ll feel stressed out. If it’s dark, there’s no incentive to keep things neat and tidy. If your home is too cold, all you want to do is sit on the couch under the covers; too hot and you’ll seek refuge elsewhere. Consider implementing some of the principles of feng shui, an ancient Chinese method of restoring balance and creating a natural flow in your living area and life.
Fitting in fitness
Having a comfortable home is only part of caring for yourself. Self-care also includes maintaining a physical fitness routine to keep your mind and body strong. You can combine fitness with socialization by finding a workout partner. Fitness recommends speaking with your personal trainer, reaching out to friends and family, or starting a workout group with your coworkers. You can also make TV time exercise time. Consider investing in a few small pieces of equipment, such as a weighted hula hoop or recumbent bike, that you can use while you catch up on your favorite Netflix shows. And if you happen to be an Amazon Prime member, NBC News explains you can access free online workouts right from your TV, phone, or computer so you can take your workout with you wherever you go.
Calm from morning until night
Another important aspect of self-care is finding ways to deal with stress without raising your blood pressure. Much of how you deal with stress is in how you treat your body and mind. Hobbies, such as coloring, knitting, and sewing, can help you settle your mind while getting a good night’s sleep can help you be more emotionally prepared for everyday stress. You can invite restful sleep into your life by making sure your bedroom is dark, cool, and comfortable each night. Invest in a high-quality pillow that you can settle into. Forbes offers tips on how to pick the perfect pillow and explains that choosing the wrong one can keep you up tossing and turning the entire night. Each morning, give your muscles a good stretch before hopping out of bed. This will get your blood flowing and put you in a positive mood so you don’t have to greet the day as a sleep-deprived grouch.
Self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s taking care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, and making sure you have a comfortable environment to call home. Learning how to balance these things with your busy life will help you enjoy more moments and better get through the ones you don’t.
- Sheila Olson has been a personal trainer for five years. She believes the best way to achieve physical fitness and good health is to set and tackle small goals. She encourages her clients to stay positive and incorporates mindfulness and practices for reducing negative talk into her sessions. She created FitSheila.com to spread the word about her fitness philosophy.
For over a year now, I have had the pleasure of sharing chair yoga with seniors. It's wonderful to see the positive effects over time the practice has. Check out the article below. Great links too!
6 Reasons Why Seniors Should Get Into Yoga, by Harry Cline
Yoga has been trendy for the last decade, and it’s no surprise why: it’s exceptionally versatile. At its core, yoga is meant for you at any level. You don’t need to do a backbend to get into yoga. You don’t even need to be able to touch your toes. Yoga has benefits both physical and spiritual. Even if you don’t feel up to it, you should consider giving yoga a try. Here’s why.
It’s Super Accessible
Regardless of your current flexibility, there’s a yoga for you. There are many different kinds of yoga and levels of practice, so it’s easy for you to get into. You can do it anywhere, even with your caregiver. If you don’t know where to start, there are online tutorials and classes. If you’d rather learn in person, there are classes available at local recreation centers. You can search online for local yoga studios, and many of them offer discounts and options for beginners.
It Can Help with Chronic Pain and Osteoporosis
A recent article published by HuffPost highlighted an important benefit of practicing yoga: it can improve bone density. For people who are already having problems with osteoporosis, it can slow or even reverse problems with bone density loss. Yoga can strengthen the nervous system and promote gray matter retention as you age, which protects your brain and can help you manage chronic pain.
Yoga Actually Helps Your Heart
A recent scientific study showed that yoga not only assists with flexibility and developing strength, but it can also increase the amount of oxygen that your body uses and positively impact metabolic capacity. Yoga is a proven way to not only become stronger but keep your cardiovascular system and lungs healthy.
Another way that yoga can help your heart is by decreasing blood pressure. One study showed that doing yoga for one hour a day could have an even more significant impact on blood pressure than changing lifestyle factors.
Yoga Builds Mental Wellness
According to Newsweek, yoga has multiple benefits for emotional health. It’s been shown to be effective at alleviating symptoms of depression and anxiety. It also helps in the treatment of eating disorders, PTSD, and other psychiatric disorders. A major part of yoga is learning techniques that can help you manage stress and see your body as something that you work with, rather than against. Building mental wellness in a sustained way is an important part of aging well and maintaining health.
Meditation and Yoga are Powerful Tools for Addiction
Meditation plays an important role in building mental and spiritual strength, as well as preventing addiction relapse. Integrate meditation into your life by practicing it while you do yoga, as yoga is a meditative act. Studies even show that yoga and meditation combine to form a powerful tool that can change you at the cellular level.
Addiction recovery requires mental and spiritual strength, but having a good relationship with your physical self also plays a critical role in addiction recovery. Building yourself physically can help your body retrain itself and avoid entrenched ways of thinking. For many people in recovery, having a good relationship with the physical self is as important as the spiritual one.
Yoga Can Help You Maintain Independence
Nearly all people want to live a long life where they can maintain independence and stay healthy. The secret is exercise. Yoga isn’t just for increasing flexibility or maintaining mobility. It’s an exercise that can help you lose weight, become stronger, and maintain aerobic health.
Yoga has a dose-dependent effect: the more you do it, the more awesome you feel. No matter what age or level of strength, you can do yoga. It’ll build your strength and flexibility, improve your relationship with your physical and spiritual self, and eases the aging process.
Harry Cline is creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers. As a retired nursing home administrator, father of three, and caregiver to his ninety-year-old uncle, Harry knows how challenging and rewarding caregiving can be. He also understands that caregiving is often overwhelming for those just starting out. He created his website and is writing his new book to offer new caregivers everywhere help and support.
I followed the calling of my heart to be closer to my family, (my parents and grandmother especially) and have relocated to Ann Arbor Michigan.
The last year and a half have been incredibly challenging as I prepared to move my family. I have had to face all my demons and look at them more closely. i discovered there were more layers of grief living within me to pull back and learn from. More layers of healing that needed to happen. Once the decision to move was made, I had to pull back a lot of my energy from what I was offering and creating with my coaching business and workshops to the physical details of making a move happen- selling a house, organizing stuff, wrapping up details.
And now that we've landed, I feel the excitement of creation. The opportunity to recreate my life to be even more aligned with my dreams and desires.
I'm still following the threads of joy, laughter, yoga, relationships, living a healthy lifestyle, and connecting with Spirit and I'm still carrying with me my deep desire to help others and be of service to LOVE.
I'm remaining open to my inner guidance and I'm doing what is in front of me every day.
Choosing to TRUST. Choosing to LISTEN. Choosing my heart over my MIND. Choosing to let go of fears.
I've recently created a guide to help people create a simple morning routine for themselves so they can change the way they start their day. This came out of my own efforts to start my day off with more positivity and intention. I would like to share with you a little bit of my story around it, with the hope that it inspires you to take action in your own life.
To be honest, for years I've started and stopped my efforts of personal development through enacting various yoga practices, meditation practices, journaling, and more. But I've never been able to stick with anything for very long, and I had begun to think this was a personal flaw of mine. I found myself having a hard time getting up out of bed in the morning and making time throughout the day for activities that I knew intellectually were good for my body, mind and spirit. I knew that when I kept a consistent yoga and meditation practice I felt better- more grounded, happy, and clear. But somehow these positive feelings weren't enough motivation for me to keep the practices up. I had fallen into a "was there something wrong with me?" kind of funk. (Can you relate?) And to top it off, I was a Wellness Coach for god's sake- so I had piled a bunch of shame on top of the funk, which left me feeling pretty low.
Enter January 2016, and yes, I was feeling the "New Year" inspiration to make a change and make some resolutions. Through a fellow coaching friend I found out about the book "Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod. The author's "recipe" for a morning routine inspired me to try enacting a morning routine of my own and the results I began experiencing inspired me to share about the benefits with my clients and others.
What I first noticed when I made the effort to start my day off with more intention by getting up earlier and forcing myself to get out of bed was that I felt so ENERGIZED! I felt much happier, confident, proud, and like I really accomplished something before the day even started.
I started my morning routine by following Hal Elrod's recipe of S.A.V.E.R.S- (Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading, and Scribing.) I soon found that this was too many activities for me to try to enact at once. It worked better for me to simplify my routine by thinking about activities for BODY, MIND and SPIRIT. (Which I write about in my guide.) It also helped me to give myself permission to be flexible with how the routine went every day. After all, every day is a new day and a different day, so my routine is never exactly the same.
In fact I created a page in my journal to help me plan out what I wanted to do:
Now, as you can see- this is a 45 + minute routine. Which means I have to get up early to make it happen- cause once my kids get up it's time to make breakfast, get them to school, and life just takes over. I found that if I don't get it done before breakfast time, it's hard to make it happen.
And some mornings, I still find it hard to get out of bed- even after my six months of effort and practice. I still find it challenging to consistently get to bed at a time that allows me to feel rested enough to get up and do my routine. So, am I doing this routine every day? No. I've been tracking when I do it, and I average hitting it 5 days a week. And some days I do a shortened version if I am feeling pressed for time.
Six months in, let me tell you, I really notice when I don't do it. I take that as a good sign. That means it's becoming a habit.
In sharing about habit formation and routines with a client she admitted that it took her 5 years to develop a daily yoga practice. Phew! What a relief this was to hear as it reassured me that I wasn't alone in my struggle to create healthy habits.
If you'd like to check out my guide, I have a link to it on my welcome page. If you'd like to have some conversations about how you could step into creating some practices for yourself, email me to schedule a free discovery session with me to find out how coaching can help you.
Comment below and tell me, how are you starting your day? What challenges do you face?
-- Lauren M Hunt
Here are some thoughts-it's sort of a master brainstorm list-- that came to me as I was thinking about what it means to be a woman. It's inspired by the many women I have gotten to know in my community here in the Driftless region of Southwestern Wisconsin and the things I have learned from them. They are all goddesses in their own way-- and you too have a unique beauty within you that wants to come forth.
These actions are all about how to awaken and cultivate the divine feminine energy within. They are about celebrating the feminine way, the feminine power. They are all actions that I have incorporated into my life to empower myself.
Practice these regularly to awaken more joy, bliss, and divine love in your life. Model them to your daughters!
Does this post inspire you and have you wanting to awaken your feminine power more? Can you imagine yourself embodying all these qualities and actions? Contact me to set up a free discovery session to see how coaching can help you achieve your personal goals.
I believe that when women are empowered to be happy, be themselves, and are flowing with divine energy more fully, powerful things can happen! Women have the power to change this world. It's my deeper mission to empower women (and men) to change themselves so we can ultimately change society and this world to be a better place.
I am thrilled to be part of the Empowered Self-Care Blog Tour http://selfcaretour.livenotorious.net; showing how important it is to take care of yourself! Be sure to check out the other amazing woman participating in this 8 day tour- there are a lot of gems to be found in each of their blogs. #selfcaretour15 #livenotorious
As a Wellness Coach, I talk to women (mothers of young children mostly) about their relationships. What many women don’t realize is that dissatisfaction in your marriage has very little to do with your partner (excluding the extreme situations where there is abuse or safety issues).
Most women can change their experience of their marriage by simply increasing care for themselves.
This is where I start with all my clients- by seeing what we can shift from their side of the relationship first. We often start by talking about creating a plan for increasing self-care.
Here are some important points to keep in mind when enacting a self-care plan for yourself.
#1: Notice when you need more self-care
Tune into the warning signs. For me a big warning sign is a feeling of dissatisfaction. This shows up often as thoughts directed toward my partner, (if he was different then I’d be happier) my home (if I only had the money to change this or that) the place I live--- it’s almost always something external. Other warning signs: snapping at others, reaching for sugar or other substances; escape through TV or Internet, or just a general low feeling. I read these warning signs as a direct message that I need to increase my self-care.
Be sure to check out Kendra Kantor’s blog earlier in the empowered self-care tour for more on the warning signs.
#2: Shift your mindset
You need to value yourself, your happiness, and your life. You are important! As a mother, your energy affects the whole household. Your children look to you; you set the whole tone of the house. Women are often the keepers of the heart and tenders of the marriage too. When you are resonating brightly, all others in your family will be affected.
So notice how you tend to put yourself on the back burner! Notice your thoughts. Make a choice to put yourself first. This is also about taking full responsibility for your happiness. Remember that you have the power to shift your experience by the choices you make every day!
#3. Know thy self
Build on what works and do what is authentic to you. Do what you like to do without getting caught up in comparison to what others are doing. Study yourself- what triggers you? Be curious about what works and what doesn’t. No more “shoulds.” Don’t take up yoga because you think you should- when what you really love is going for long walks.
#4. Make a Self-Care List or Chart
Get out some paper, and your favorite pens, markers, or colored pencils and list all the little things that you like to do for each area of your life: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Think of it as a love note to yourself that serves to remind you. The act of writing this out and creating it by hand is a powerful experience for your brain- so don’t skip this step! To help, you can imagine that your highest self is speaking or you can tune into that “motherly voice” within. (“Now Lauren, remember to eat your vegetables- remember you love to dance?”)
Look at your self-care chart often and ask yourself: am I doing what I said I wanted to do? This chart can be your go-to anytime you notice the warning signs and you can pick something to do to take care of yourself right away. It's also great to acknowledge all the things you are ALREADY doing to take care of yourself.
Here’s an example of a chart I made a few years ago in which I added some lovely affirmations.
#5: Pick ONE thing to start with
When implementing new habits and behaviors, I advise my clients to just pick one thing. Have the thing be easy so you can build your trust in yourself to follow through. By enacting a self-care plan we are not trying to hold ourselves to some ideal of perfection nor are we aiming to bully/shame ourselves more for not meeting goals.
Be sure to take time to celebrate when you’ve established new habits or completed what you said you were going to do!
Some other reminders:
If you desire (or need) more personal support as a mother in enacting a self-care plan for yourself or support in shifting tension in your marriage contact me for a complimentary session to see how coaching can support you in your goals.
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The Five Things Mothers Can Do To Improve Their Marriage (Even Without their Partners’ Support or Knowledge)
Let’s face it: since the kids came along things have changed. A lot. You and your partner are not the same people you once were. Your roles have become distinctly separate and your experience of parenting is different.
This lack of having a shared experience can often lead to partners resenting each other and thinking “you don’t understand what I am going through.”
All this can lead to tension and a lack of connection between you and your partner.
There’s a lot of other dynamics that can get in the way of feeling the love you have for your partner once the kids come along. If you find yourself wondering “where does this marriage go now?” Or “Is this all there is?” about your relationship, I’ve written this article for you.
Below are five things you can do to improve your marriage right now. These are all things that you have control over that will make a big shift without even having to talk to your partner. Things you can do without having to ask him, yet again, to read that relationship book with you (when you know he won’t).
#1. Shift your attitude and view of the situation
This of course is always the place to start with any challenge you may be facing in life. It may seem redundant to hear it again, but it’s always an important reminder.
So I invite you to notice your thoughts. What are you focusing on? Is it what he’s NOT doing (to support you, to help around the house)? Do you have a running commentary going on in your mind about how things are NOT going to work? Do you find yourself judging, criticizing, blaming, or wishing things were different? Notice how your view, or the story you have been telling yourself is making you feel. Ask yourself- is this what I really want to be experiencing?
How could you be like an eagle and get a bigger perspective? How could you challenge yourself to see the good? To see his side? To choose hope, belief, and faith?
#2. Fill yourself up with what you love.
Instead of looking to your partner for your happiness, look within.
Did you put your creative interests on the sideline when the marriage and the kids came along? What do you LOVE to do? What’s missing in your life? Are you having fun regularly?
You may have to get creative about making time to bring your hobbies and interests back into your life. But even finding time once a month to join that knitting circle your friend keeps inviting you to will fill you up and be worth it.
#3. Awaken your SEXY
Here’s the thing: finding time for sexual intimacy with your partner when you have kids around is challenging. But when you don’t have regular sex, you aren’t firing those neurons in your brain and body regularly, and thus you have less interest.
We are sexual beings! So do some exploring. Touch yourself. That’s right ladies. I’m talking about masturbation or what I like to call “sexual self-play.” This is about pleasing yourself. The plus here is that you can get in touch with your sexy side on your own time- no schedules to have to coordinate!
When you awaken this aspect of yourself I bet you’ll start looking at your husband differently, and he may just pick up on the sexy vibes you are putting out!
#4. Increase your Self-Care
Really? Am I going to tell you to get more sleep, eat better, and get more exercise? YUP. It’s true. This stuff really does make a difference in how you experience your partner, your kids, and your life. How can you enjoy your life when you are tired, run down, dehydrated and just plain old irritable? Irritability and dissatisfaction are direct signs that you are not practicing regular self-care.
So what is one thing you can do to put yourself back into the picture again? As moms we are so good at caring for others, but when is the last time you took a long bath and scrubbed your toes?
When I talk and write about self-care I also include care of your spirit. Are you connecting with your higher power regularly? Whether you find the divine in nature, in sacred books, in prayer or meditation, in your creative pursuits, in music, or somewhere else, creating time (even 5 or 10 minutes a day) for some reflective contemplation on the meaning of your life can do wonders for your spirit, which will ultimately feed your relationships too.
#5. See how you can shift a dynamic-FROM YOUR SIDE
Here’s the thing. You don’t need to ask your partner to change to give you what you are wanting to experience in your relationship. You are the creator of your reality. So I challenge you to reflect deeply on what you feel is missing, and then choose one dynamic that you can give attention to. A dynamic could be playfulness, lightheartedness, affection, compassion, understanding, appreciation, support, or freedom.
For example, let’s say you want to feel more appreciated for all that you do to keep the house running and raise the kids. Start shifting this dynamic by looking for moments that you can give appreciation to your partner for what he is doing.
The principle here is to embody the quality of the dynamic you feel is missing within yourself first. This is my take on the golden rule: give what you would like to receive.
Then, notice when that feeling of wanting appreciation comes up. What triggers it? Explore it and pay attention to it.
Next, start a gratitude journal or start noticing little things in your day that you can give appreciation to (i.e. the cup of coffee; the smirk on your son’s face; the nice weather; or the birds singing).
Lastly, appreciate yourself. Say nice things to yourself whenever you can. Notice your self-talk and make an effort to shift it. When you start to give more appreciation for others, for life’s gifts, and for yourself, you will shift your whole experience. You may start to notice the gestures of appreciation your partner is already giving you. He may naturally start to show more appreciation to match your energy. And so on....
Now, I am not telling you to ignore your feelings or just gloss over your pain. Feelings are there for a reason- to point to a need or a value that isn’t getting met. So yes, speak up about your needs with your partner. Speaking up is also an act of self-care and self-love.
What I am saying is that you can take greater responsibility for your experience. I like to think of us women as magical sorceresses. Our bodies have the power to create and grow life; we also have the power to shift the energy in our relationships. It’s amazing!
So claim your sorceress energy and play with these ideas. Explore what happens when you change your perspective, fill yourself up, awaken your sexy, take care of yourself, and shift a dynamic. Comment below and share with me one thing you are inspired to do after reading this.
And, of course, if you desire (or need) more personal support you can always contact me for a “Discovery Session” to see how you can make some shifts from your side of your relationship.
Happy exploring! ~ Lauren
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** Many thanks to Julie Tallard Johnson and her work including the books “Wheel of Initiation” and “The Zero Point Agreement” for bringing this concept of “living life from your side” to me. More info here: www.julietallardjohnson.com
Let me tell you a story.
Several years back things were not so great- in my life and in my marriage. I wasn’t very happy. Two small children at home was stressing me out. I wasn’t getting time for me; I felt isolated without much social support; and my husband and I weren’t getting much time together.
Everything between us was feeling tense and heavy. Our conversations were typically about finances, the kids, and the never-ending to-do list of the many projects we had going.
Things were so tense that we hit a crisis point-talk of divorce was on the table. In working through our crisis the clarity of what was missing became clear: playfulness and a sense of humor. We weren’t having any fun together! We forgot to enjoy. Moving forward, my husband and I vowed to pay attention to this need for lightheartedness and to create more of it between us.
Easier said than done.
Fast forward a couple years and we were finding it wasn’t so easy to do. There were still the same stressors in our life- finances were still tight- the to-do list changed but was still ever looming; and parenting is just well, not always easy.
That’s when Laughter Yoga came to my life.
Through word of mouth I discovered an international social movement for peace, health and happiness based on this idea that you could “laugh for no reason” meaning you don’t need comedy, jokes or even to be in a good mood to laugh. Who knew!?
It was started in India, in 1995 by a medical doctor who formed a laughter club in the park in which they practiced laughter “exercises” and deep breathing techniques (that’s the YOGA part). The idea spread quickly and now there are over 80,000 laughter clubs in 80 different countries.
I immediately knew I wanted to get trained in this method. After my training I began to go out in my community and lead the technique, trying to get as much practice as I could.
Along the way (it’s two years later now) I laughed. A lot.
Things began to change in my life, in my outlook on things, and… in my marriage.
Here’s what I learned:
#1: Fake it till you make it
In Laughter Yoga, we are taught to fake the laughter even if you don’t “feel like it” --- because the body doesn’t know the difference. The same feel-good hormones are released, your heartbeat still rises, and etc. whether the laughter is faked or it is genuine.
The “fake it till you make it” principle can be applied to a lot of areas in life- especially relationships. This has been a big “a-ha” for me. Because there are certainly times in my marriage when “I don’t feel like it” comes up. Perhaps I don’t feel like going on a date, or making love, or being kind and loving to my partner. Perhaps I don’t feel like smiling all the time. But when I do it anyway- faking it if I have to at first—my body still responds in a positive way. Just like with the laughing. And my husband certainly appreciates being smiled at when he first comes home.
#2: Change Begins Within
Dr. Kataria, the founder of Laughter Yoga, is often quoted as saying, “When you laugh, you change, and when you change the world changes.” I have found this to be completely true. When I began to lead laughter yoga what I was actually practicing was being playful. I had to turn on my enthusiasm to lead others. I had to let my silly side come out. I had to make up laughter exercises on the spot when I couldn’t remember the ones I learned in the training.
And guess what the result has been? I smile more. I laugh more easily than I used to. I engage in playfulness with my husband more often. Did he start doing laughter yoga with me? NO. But my level of playfulness naturally encouraged him to be more playful. You will often see our kids smiling and teasing us about how silly we are together now. Five years ago?? Totally different picture.
#3: It’s the Little Moments that Count- So Make them Positive
My husband works full time and we have a busy life like most people. It’s still a challenge to make time for each other. That hasn’t changed. What changed is when I asked myself, do I want the moments I have with him to be positive or negative?
Because the truth is: every little moment contributes to your whole experience. I had to take responsibility for what I was bringing to our moments. Laughter Yoga has helped me learn a big lesson- that in order to GET what I wanted, I had to GIVE what I wanted. In this case the missing element in my marriage was lightheartedness and playfulness. But just knowing that wasn’t enough. I actually had to BE playful and lighthearted.
What can you do with this information?
Now- I am not saying you need to go out and become a laughter yoga leader or join a laughter club (though I highly recommend the latter) if things are tense with you and your partner. And, I know that being silly and practicing laughter is out of some people comfort’s zones.
If this is you, I encourage you to consider what works for you. I simply want to get you thinking about how you can generate more playfulness and lightheartedness in your marriage.
Just contemplating this may help things to shift for you. And trust me- even a little change in one practice in your life (like laughing more on purpose) can make some big changes in your marriage.
So, what’s your favorite type of play with your spouse? Do you like to wrestle? Dance? Play sports? Tickle? Play games?
If your partner doesn’t seem so willing, you can also ask yourself, "What can I do to actively be more playful in my life?" Get on the phone with a girlfriend who makes you laugh. Watch more funny videos or movies. Wear outrageous clothes. Sing and dance in the shower.
Feeding yourself with what you enjoy, find playful and fun will ultimately translate into you having more energy to give to your marriage and your kids. And you’d be surprised how others around you change when you change.
And, of course, if you desire (or need) more personal support you can always contact me for a “Discovery Session” to see how you can make some shifts from your side of your relationship.
Remember, whatever it is that you desire – whether it’s playfulness, fun, sensual touch, affection or something else – consider how you could GIVE THAT to your partner. The principle here is to give what you would like to get.
So go out there and have some laughs. Have some fun. See what happens. Play!
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Pass it on- share this with someone who you think could use some help improving his or her level of playfulness and lightheartedness (can’t we all?)
What do you really want?
Many of the women I speak with have a hard time answering this question.
I invite you to get in touch with this.
What do you want to feel- in your relationships?
In your everyday experiences?
How do you want to live your life?
We can all say we want to be "happy." But give yourself some time to contemplate this question a little further.
What do you value? What do you desire? What do you really want?
We often know what we DON'T want to experience. If you don't know what you do want, (in your relationships) you can't ask for it. If you don't know what you want, you have no place to check in with to see how you are doing. Take your contemplation a little deeper and ask how will you know when you are actually experiencing it? How will you know when you aren't? And most importantly, look at the WHAT. What is getting in the way of you experiencing what you want? What can you do to take a step closer to experiencing what you truly desire?
I love journaling as tool for spiritual exploration. I often will do a "free write"-- this is where I allow my pen to just flow without stopping and use repeated prompts to get my expressive juices flowing.
Here's some prompts for this topic which you can try:
Here's an example from my journal:
What I want is live my life on purpose. What I want is to be grounded in my body. What I want is to be grounded in my truth in all my interactions. What I want is be of service to others. What I want is feel connected and to know my belonging. What I want is to feel peaceful, stable and calm. What I want is to love myself. What I want is to celebrate my life. What I want is, what I want is, what I want is.... love. What I want is joy. What I want is to be a clear channel of light and love. What I want is to travel and have adventures. What I want is.....
Does this exercise feel challenging to you? Are you looking for someone to explore what you really want in life with? Contact me for a free "Discovery Session" to see how coaching can help you uncover your true desires.
My deepest wish for you is that you know what you want and create a life that is in line with what really makes you happy. Your happiness is important! And your happiness effects the whole planet. Let's change ourselves and change the world!
Love is an action. Love is a verb. If things aren't going the way you'd like them to in your marriage, here's some inspiration to help you change things. These are small actions you can put into practice right away and you will be amazed at how they shift your experience!
1. Make sure you are taking time every day for your own self-care. Fill yourself up first!
2. Actually schedule time to be together every week- and no talking about money, kids, or work allowed!
3. Pay attention to the way you greet and part with each other. Give the gift of really acknowledging each other as you say hello or goodbye.
4. Remember your marriage vows. You said them once, but they are a continual renewing promise to be made over and over.
5. Remember- you are on the same team!!!
6. Meet grumpiness with love and humor.
7. When communicating- make eye contact and touch each other.
8. Say more positive things to your partner than negative.
9. Do things for your partner that make them feel loved. Aren't sure what that is? Ask them- you might be surprised! And be sure to tell them specific things that they could do for you. (I love it when you stroke my hair....)
10. Have sex! It's important!
Do you feel like these action steps are too far fetched for you to enact but have a strong desire to turn things around in your marriage? I'm not a marriage coach or counselor, but I can help you look at your marriage from your side. I can help you see what you can do to increase your own happiness and health so that your marriage can improve too. Contact me for a free "Discovery Session" to see how coaching can help you.
Healthy marriages foster healthy children and happy people. Let's change ourselves and change the planet!